Not big, Not small

Throughout the years of me growing up there have been multiple counts of adults saying that I'm  不 大不小 ( Literally translates to not big, not small). I don't get called that often, but when I do I get annoyed. Adults usually say this when they think that you are being disrespectful. I don't remember my own parents ever saying that to me. I only remember distant relatives saying that to me and that's part of the reason I get annoyed. 

I have to clarify that the relationship within my extended family is very close. We get along super well and we (or at least, the chlidren) stay over each other's houses often, and often extending our visits to each other's houses well into the night. As for my nuclear family, we're comfortable and close with each other. 

There is this thing that I always do, which is to beat people's butt. Smack. Slap. Whack. Pick your preferred choice of word. I do that to my closest friends, I do that to my family. Even my grandma. It's a sign of affection for me. And do my family think it's rude? No. They play along and slap me back. Even my grammy. See? We have a loving, playful, close relationship but does that mean we have no respect for each other? No.

SO there was this once where a distant relative, or actually, my uncle's (aunt's husband) brother (are we even considered relatives? Hmm. ) saw me slapping my dad's butt playfully. This was many many years back. Then that relative (or not) looked at me disapprovingly and said that I was 不 大不小 . And that really pissed me off. Like hello, I'm sorry your family doesn't have this type of closeness but DON'T call me disrespectful for displaying my affections. It wasn't as if I hit him out of anger or tantrum. I was doing it playfully, out of affection. It's like my version of a hug.

I know many Asian families have this whole respect things going on, but I think respecting your elderlies does not mean you have to be all solemn-and-looking-down-and-nod kinda thing. There ought to be a balance. To enjoy the warmth and love of a family, get to express your feelings and emotions but also at the same time respect one another. 

FINALLY, every different family operates differently, so I am in no place to judge another. It also means that people shouldn't judge others so easily based on how they treat their family members. It's easy to judge, especially when you hear your friends talking in a seemingly rude manner to their parents on the phone. ( I'm sure this has happened to you before). It's a matter of different family having different ways of treating each other. 

EDIT : I have since found out that the correct way to describe the phrase is 没大没小 but I'll leave it as it is since I've always known the wrong version of it and I'm a banana anyways. Sorry! Haha